17 Azamat 166 B.E.
Soundtrack in my head: Sing Sing, "Tegan"

Forty days ago, a guy showed up at my door carrying a blue shoulder bag. He was delivering something I'd been eagerly anticipating for five months--something which would hopefully put an end to sleep-deprived nights and caffeine-injected days that I'd drag myself through like a zombie. Something which would address my severe case of sleep apnea.

The VPAP machine he delivered has definitely changed my sleep. On the surface, it seems like a royal pain. I am tethered to this breathing machine by a six-foot corrugated tube pumping high-pressure air into my lungs. I might have to sleep this way the rest of my life.

But it's worth it--I feel the difference. Before the machine, I was always surfing a thin line between REM sleep and being fully awake. Deep sleep had become a stranger to me, and I'd wake up as tired as when I'd gone to bed, if not more so. Now, I sleep more deeply and I often wake up refreshed. I still wake up a couple of times per night, but unlike before, I usually go right back to sleep. I've stopped taking three tablets of melatonin per night to get myself to sleep.

As the buds on the leaves give way to a lush green, I feel more alive. I don't struggle so much to get through the workday. I feel like my creativity is returning. I find myself wanting to socialize more than I have.

I'm not all the way to where I want to be. My sleep apnea had gotten so bad that a simple workout at the gym would cause me to want to sleep for two hours. I can exert myself a bit more, but I need to take it slowly. Recently, I had to nap after paddling in a kayak for 90 minutes and again after walking four miles. My doctor tells me I need to gradually get back into shape--apparently this disease has left me more sedentary than I'd realized, and I need to gradually build up back to where I was before with my exercise.

This weekend, I'm going to travel with the VPAP machine for the first time. Next week, I will try my hand at camping with it. This means I'll need an electrical hookup at the campsite, but my doctor tells me that people have even taken their machines into the backwoods of Alaska.

Forty days into my life with the VPAP. I can say that it has made a huge difference. I look forward to what the next forty days, weeks and months bring me...